The Valencommune
Character sketches

Minor characters

These are the poor sods that get used when they're convenient for plot development, and then are tragically cast aside like broken china dolls. They meet every Tuesday at The Pit, griping about their wasted lives and the damned bourgeois classists who keep them down, and secretly dreaming of one day making the major characters list. Most of them we'll probably never see again, but you never know when one might get a second chance.

Todd's intrepid younger half-sister-in-law. She once tried to help Kalaleq out of Mr. Saaa's basement dungeon. However, Kalaleq's bumbling thwarted her intrepidity, and since then she never writes. [Damon]
First appearance: The Interactive Valentines Story

Gaggy Old Republicans
A strange tribe of mostly grey-haired, affluent white males, generally diametrically opposed to everything the valencommune stands for. The Republicans are generally happy to pitch in and help whatever diabolical villain is currently opposing the peaceful existence of the valentines. No one is quite sure how they continue to survive, but many suspect it has much to do with their strident anti-abortion policies. [Damon]
First appearance: Trouble at the Valencommune

Larkins is Ellen Cairo's head researcher in the area of genetic retro-engineering. He has made astounding breakthroughs in altering a living creature's DNA and causing near-instant physical changes. So far his formulas have managed to turn various animals, including the Feline Cohorts, into humans, complete with clothing to fit their personalities. In theory, the formula was also capable of changing people into animals, but it was never tested, mostly because nobody wanted to volunteer to be turned into a cat. As a side effect, this particular formula made incredibly tasty catfood. [Jeff]
First appearance: Trouble at the Valencommune

The lovely Lleshye has a voice like rippling water in a stream. She was commanded by Mr. Saaa to distract Piquet with her seductive smile and long, dark hair, but Saaa's evil plans were thwarted again when Piquet accidentally washed out the Extra Control Hair Gel that kept Lleshye in his thrall. Lleshye fell madly in love with her rescuer, but sadly for her it was rather one-sided, and Piquet hasn't stayed in touch. [Damon]
First appearance: The Interactive Valentines Story

The Lowly Splot
Used as a spy camera, then painted in still life by Lleshye, the Lowly Splot never had a line of dialogue. It is still somewhat miffed. But it is quite lovely: [splot] [Damon]
First appearance: The Interactive Valentines Story

Phil Honeydew
Ellen Cairo's talk show host flunky, Phil, helped her implement her evil plots and played a starring role in their execution. He didn't mind playing second fiddle as long as he was in the limelight, but now that Ellen has moved on to greener pastures, one can only imagine what Phil might be cooking up on his own. Reports say he is very bitter towards Ellen for abandoning the project. [Damon]
First appearance: Trouble at the Valencommune

This unfortunate lab rat was transmogrified into human form by the nefarious meddlings of Larkins under the guidance of Ellen Cairo. He and his clan now live in the sewers of Ellen Cairo's talk show fortress, subsisting on the scraps of popcorn and candy bars tossed down the drains by the nightly live studio audience. [Damon]
First appearance: Trouble at the Valencommune

Samo Saaa
Mr. Saaa's twin evil villain from Japan. He has travelled extensively in India, and occasionally visits his twin to help him in his evil plots. Has a weakness for jelly doughnuts. [Damon]
First appearance: The Interactive Valentines Story

Thug #1
Scarred for life from his run-in with Todd & Syren and the hours of torturous listening to Herb Alpert, this thug, named Irving, prefers to live the remainder of his days in a soundproof booth, recycled from the dating game. When he has to go out he is only able to do so with sophisticated noise-cancelling hardware. [Todd]
First appearance: Trouble at the Valencommune

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